I have always love my parents in law. I love them for their devoted love to their children, their simple outlook of life and their happy go lucky mentality. They are not over complicated people and above all they are very very forgiving and friendly. But at the same time, I also hate them for who they are. ( 'Hate' is a pretty strong word. But I can't find a word that would convey my emotion at this moment of time. Maybe this hate is something like 'dislike' or maybe 'disdain'?)
Why I hate them?
I hate them the most during arguments with my wife. I hate them when I see the current condition of my brother/sister-in-law. I hated them because of the love they have on their children. They love them and dote on them, to the extent they relegated guidance and dicipline way back to the bottom of the list of priorities. And the children, needless to say, grows up to become rebellious, hard headed, lack of skills, prideful and ill equipped to face the world outside. They can just do what they want in their house and the parents are so please that the children enjoy their stay in the house. In fact, they mention that if possible they want all their children to stay with them forever in the same house.
For example, they wouldn't raise a finger if -
- they wish to sleep until afternoon
- they watch TV till past midnight
- they refuse to attend school
- they failed in most of the subjects in school
- they refuse to eat dishes that are painstakingly prepared.
In fact, my parent-in-law would ensure that this dish will not appear again on the meal table. Until now, they would still serve them breakfast/lunch/dinner and even go to the extent of deboning fishes (even keembung) to ensure that the nearly 30 years old 'children' would have fish. Failure to do so means the children would not touch the fish at all.
These are minor. But what I couldn't accept is that they failed to think of their future and guide them appropriately. For example, most of my wife sisters refuse to stay at their respective parents-in-law house during Chinese New Year or holidays. All kinds of excuses are given, and my wife parents didn't even question them much and welcome them back with open arms. IMHO, they have sent the wrong message to their children.
My parents in law has no aspirations on their children. So long as they are healthy, they don't take drugs and most important of all, they are happy, then my parents in law don't really bother about anything else!
If you ask me whether a child born in such a family would be happy, I would have to say a big YES. But the child will suffer as they start to have 'engagement' with the society at large. They would start to feel inadequate, inferior and that the society is just too demanding.
Different family have different pecularities which we must learn to adapt and accept. By giving an impression that they can forever run away from life realities by coming back to their home will cause them to run way at the first instance, without attempting to overcome the displeasure they are experiencing. Temporary abode - yes, but after that, they must still go out and join in the battle. Unless of course, they can ensure they can live longer than all of their children.
If you doubt my sincerity when I say I love them, then let's just say that I have understand the fact that nothing is perfect in this world, except God. I have to learn to accept them and knowing that deep within me, I truly love them as my second parents.
Posts
